IELTS Writing Task 2 essay with model answer
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic
Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
School days are the foundation stones in a child's social development. It is true that children who are unruly in class tend to have a detrimental effect on the whole batch of students: all the students get disturbed, and therefore, affected by their behaviour. Hence, it has often been suggested that such inattentive and ill-mannered students should be segregated from the rest of the class and tutored separately. However, I am firmly opposed to the idea because I believe that such separation among students will not solve the problem; it will actually increase the divide between well mannered and disruptive students, which is definitely not a good proposition.
Although, it is true that all students do not have the same mental alertness and well-behaved demeanour, this division on the basis of behaviour can have several repercussions. Firstly, it may have a negative impact on the minds of the ill-mannered child and may psychologically scare a child. Pin-pointing a child as ill-behaved without finding out the reason for this behaviour is extremely unfair. The school authorities need to dwell a little deeper into the problem to find out the cause for such a negative behaviour. For instance, a recent survey conducted in the UK in 2016 clearly demonstrated the importance of the family atmosphere in the early years of the child's development. Children from broken or dysfunctional families often project abnormal traits during their formative years. Thus, rather than being reprimanded, such students need to be tackled with love and empathy.
Moreover, this segregation may make the ill-mannered student believe that every time he can get away from the mainstream and continue with his wrongdoings. This, in turn, will send a very wrong message to all students. For instance, a rude and destructive child may gradually alienate himself from his immediate family and friends; all the while continuing with his behaviour. Last but not the least, we are robbing the ill-behaved student of the chance to get transformed by removing him from the company of good students.
Having said this, it is also true that since the number of hours spent on teaching students in school is fixed, such interruptive behaviour by some students takes away precious study hours from the obedient ones who are not at fault. However, instead of creating a utopic world of good and bad, school authorities and parents need to tackle this behaviour by the various method like positive reinforcements, negative reinforcements, counseling by psychologists, etc. All these methods and a little care and concern will help a disobedient student become an obedient and a well-mannered one because nothing in this world is permanent and absolute.
To reiterate, I am of the opinion that instead of creating a divide among students, one should aim at tackling the problem so that there can be a change in the student's behaviour for the better.
Total Words: 450
Task Achievement: 9
Coherence & Cohesion: 9
Lexical resources: 9
Overall Score: Band 9
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Very clear and phenomenal writing….
Please give me suggestions how can I improve my writing
I’m glad that you liked the essay.
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I wonder, whether the grammar structure of the following sentence is right: “… such students need be tackled with love and empathy”.
shouldn’t it be structured as following: “… such students need to be tackled with love and empathy”?
You are right. Thanks for suggesting the correction.
I’ve edited the essay.
Good luck with your IELTS preparation.
As an IELTS teacher I can tell you that this is way too long. This is a 448 word model answer with a very long intro and huge conclusion… not a Band 9, sorry mate… no student will be able to write this in 40 minutes !
Appreciate your comment. I agree. This essay is a bit too long. I always suggest students to write under 300 words as there are no extra marks for writing more words. In fact, most students might end up losing marks by making more grammar and spelling mistakes if they write such long essays.
However, I’ve also had many students who could easily write 400-450 words within 35-40 min. So I don’t think that students who can write / type quickly should be discouraged to write more if their natural style is to write a more lengthy essay.