IELTS Writing Task 2 essay with model answer
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic
Some people think that intelligence is innate while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to that of intelligence. While some people believe that intelligence is inherited, some others feel that intelligence can be acquired through learning. In this essay, I would shed some light on both these views and then give my opinion on the matter.
On the one hand, intelligence is certainly innate. The main reason is that if parents are intelligent, children acquire the genes which lead to higher level of intelligence in children. For example, the IQ level of Albert Einstein, one of the most celebrated physicists in the world was very high. Similarly, his son also had a shockingly high level of IQ. Thus, it can be seen how intelligence can be acquired as a parental gift.
On the other hand, while intelligence is innate, it does not mean that intelligence cannot be gained. If a person has passion and a pure desire he can achieve whatever he wants including intelligence. Hard work, dedication, and learning are the building blocks that help people acquire intelligence. For example, a bright student can accomplish a complicated task very quickly. However, a dull student can put in more hours of learning to accomplish the same task too. Therefore, it goes without saying that this viewpoint is credible and realistic.
Intelligence has a great role in every aspect of life. This essay discussed the fact that intelligence is not only inherited, but can also be improved or acquired through effort and learning. In my opinion, intelligence can be gained through motivation and learning.
Total Words: 250
Task Achievement: 9
Coherence & Cohesion: 9
Lexical resources: 9
Overall Score: Band 9
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What can I do to improve my vocabulary ?
This is a pretty mediocre essay for 9.0 in all four aspects.
The first sentence of the body paragraph 1 started with On the other hand, which is a very big mistake. It is used to show difference between ideas, so should be used with the second opinion, not infront of the first one. Overall passage was also not a band 9 writing, rather I think 6/6.5 writing.
The paragraph starts with “On the one hand” .. not sure what you are talking about.